Complicated Love Read online

  "I have been calling you." I sound exasperated maybe a little pissed.

  "Sorry. I turned my phone off. The store was busy," she says. She's not looking at me. So she is lying, or she is mad. One thing I have come to noticed is Keira is a worse liar than I am.

  "I came to take you home.”

  "Oh,I don’t need a ride. Tim is going to give me a ride. "

  Tim? For some reason I want to pound this dude in the face. I feel my teeth clench. I remind myself to breathe. I read his name tag. He works at the same store she works at. "Okay, are you sure?" I sound calm, right?

  She nods as they walk off to his tiny little car.

  It’s the last midterm before Thanksgiving. I know Rachel's mom will want to get together with my folks. I know our parents want us to be together. I know my parents- at least my dad knows what we are doing when we hang out. But they don’t seem to care.

  See, here's the deal. Rachel's mom was married to her ex-pro hockey player dad. Rachel has had several dads who were professional athletes. I'm pretty sure her mom is grooming her to be an athlete’s wife. That athlete, everyone hopes, is me. But Rachel is so grabby and needy. She just wants to be loved. I get it. I can't trust her. If we were together then she would sleep around when I go away to college.

  She and my parents have been hounding me about my school choice. I’m sure their all scheming to get us to the same college-they all hope it's their alma mater. Rachel's mom and my mom were best friends and college roommates. For them, the two of us being together would be a like Hallmark movie or something.

  The season is getting serious, playoff time will be here before I know it. My dad is MIA most weeks which means my mom is whiny about " family time". I have been spending most nights at my gramps house. He has a big construction project he's working. He's a pastor, but he is also part owner of an engineering firm. So I get to help him out at night. It's so cool,learning the ends and outs of the process.

  It the week of thanksgiving, I wonder if Kiera has plans for thanksgiving. It doesn't matter. I need to stop wondering what she is doing. This past week, she has been riding home from work with Tim, the manager. She rides with Addie on the bus to her job. We still text at night. Nothing serious. Just stupid mundane stuff. She let me know she was home after I left her with Tim. So she has him to keep her company over the holiday.

  I guess I will call Rachel and hang out. I need the distraction.

  Keira

  We are finally back from thanksgiving break. I can’t believe it's almost Christmas. I worked most of the holiday. Black Friday at the mall is enough to zap anyone. But working with Tim helped. He is such a cool guy. He is really funny too. But I kind of miss talking to Lane.

  We texted a little over the break. He wished me a happy thanksgiving and ask what I was doing. I spent the holiday with my mom and aunt. They are a hoot. My mom has a new boyfriend and they are thinking of moving. It was love at first sight, again. I should tell Lane about the new boyfriend but we've kind of out of the loop with each other.

  I don’t really know what happened. One day we were close and next we weren’t. I had kind of gotten used to telling him everything. He even talked about his high and mighty parents. His dad is a total jerk. His mom is a control freak. But he loves his Gramps and respects him like crazy. That’s all he talks about.

  I know he and Rachel were hanging tight during the Thanksgiving break. Addie called me and was all over Rachel's Facebook page. She had a gazillion pics posted of her and Lane. She tagged him on every picture. Lane and I aren’t Facebook friends because we really are friends in real life or at least I think we are. Or were.

  I wait in advanced statistics for Lane. When he comes in, he sits in his normal seat. I feel like it’s been weeks since we've seen each other. Once we have our assignment, he moves his desk close to mine without getting out of it. He playfully bumps his shoulder to mine, "What up?"

  I relax a little. "Nothin."

  We both look at our math packets and get to work. BFF 's again. I guess.

  Lane

  I was a little nervous coming back. I didn’t know how Kiera was going to act. But I could see the anxiety in her eyes when I came in the class. So I figured she must be a little worried too. But these few weeks have been good. She’s been texting before every football game and wishing me luck. I haven't tried to pick her up from work. I just hope she won’t hesitate to call if she needs a ride. But she and Tim are kind of hanging out. I don’t want to talk about him. He is good dude. He treats her nice. She deserves it. Keira is a good person.

  When I was ragging on my dad she told me to just love and respect them. I mean she has every reason to hate her flakey, man chasing mom,but she just accepts her for who she is. Her aunt Debb is cool, I guess, but they never come to any school stuff. Neither does Keira though. But I know she is a little lonely. It’s like she’s raising herself.

  Who am I to judge? My parents give me whatever I want. I just have enough sense not to ask for everything. I am not greedy. I wonder what they will do when I graduate and go off to school. I have been the center of their world for so long.

  I know I sound ungrateful. I am grateful they support me an anything I want to pursue. Yeah, my mom can be a little controlling, but nothing I can’t handle. My dad is unfaithful but he never lets me see his cheating ways. Not that it matters, I still know. A guy always can spot it.

  The football season has become a major time drag. We are getting to the end of the regular season, and the playoffs are starting. The scouts are circling. The offer letters are arriving daily. The only person I have really told what school I want to go to is Keira. I applied and sent them a highlight tape. I just need an acceptance letter. I will even do a walk on to try out. They have a great engineering program. It includes a national internship. Football is great, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being pounced on by lineman.

  The game is starting soon. Keira just sent a text:

  Keira: Have a great game. Be careful. ttyl.

  Me: Thanks. I will. ttyl.

  I know it’s short and sweet, but it gets me so hype. Every game I wait for her to text. She always remembers.

  Keira

  " Merry Christmas!" Lane calls me at butt crack thirty on Christmas morning. He sounds like a little kid.

  "What are you doing up?" I croak.

  " No Merry Christmas for me?" He whines.

  "Sorry. Merry Christmas, Lane." He and his family are skiing somewhere extravagant.

  "What are you doing up?" I repeat.

  "I wanted someone to talk to, so I called you." He sounds happy but a little sad.

  "Me? Why?" I mean he is a popular guy. I'm not really complaining, just curious.

  "Because you’re my...my Keira."

  His Keira? "Well your Keira is still in the bed."

  "Wake up and talk to me, " he's pleading.

  I groan .He is so spoiled. "What did you get for Christmas?"

  "A new set of skis and a ski jet. They have to stay here at the lodge, but they are so sweet, he says in an excited tone. I wish you could see them.”

  Awww...he sounds so excited. "What about you?”

  “I don't know yet. I haven't gotten up to see," I sit up.

  "I’m ready to come back home. When do you go back to work?" He asks. Again, I hear a little sadness. What’s that about?

  "Day after tomorrow. When do you come back?"

  "End of the week. I'll come by the mall. We need to hang out. It’s been a while," he says flatly.

  "Your right. We should. Hey, my mom is up. I'll call you later,” I end the call.

  Lane

  I almost can't contain myself. I walk into the mall, a place I despise and avoid with all my being. My mom shopped with me way too much as a child. I hate the mall, but Keira is working, so I am here. When we got home, I put my bags on my bed and jumped in the Range Rover.

  Walking in the store among all the post-holiday madness, I spot her. She doesn’t see m
e. She’s talking to Tim. I'll just wait for her to turn around. I put my finger over my lip to shush Tim as he watches me approach. Actually, I'm glad he notices me. I want him to never forget she has me. If he should hurt her now that they are "dating" as Keira has informed me, I'll squash him like a bug. Should I feel bad for thinking that way? Nah.

  Now she looks at me and gives me the biggest smile I have ever seen. Oh my. I just love it when she does that. Like a giggling school girl, I rush to hug her. It feels like forever since we have been connected. I miss her. I miss my friend.

  Tim offers to shake my hand as a greeting. I oblige. But I give him a pointed look and stand over him a little longer than necessary. Yep, I’m watching you buddy. I step back when Keira taps my arm to let me know she's ready. She has her purse . It’s just us for the rest of the day. Just me and my Keira.

  In the car, she is quiet. Really quiet. That means she's thinking about something serious.

  "What’s on your mind?" I push her shoulder playfully.

  "Um," she purses her lips. I can tell she's contemplating not telling me something. “You’re a guy, right?"

  I laugh. I thought it was obvious. But I nod anyway. “Where’s this going?"

  “When do you decide to you know....take a relationship to the next level?" she almost whispers it. I have to strain to hear her words.

  "What do you mean?" I think I know what she means. I am struggling to keep the car on the road to the Burger Bar. I am white knuckling it all the way. Play it cool. Don't freak out dude.

  She tips her head to the side with a “you know what I mean " look. Okay. I'm freaking out a little. "Is Tim pressuring you? For s-sex?" I barely get the words out.

  "No. I don't think so," she takes a deep breath. She’s going to announce something. I can feel it. Don't say you love him. Just don't say it. "I'll be eighteen next month,so I think I should want to have sex, right? I mean who wants to go to college a virgin?"

  I breathe a sigh of relief. “First of all ,if he is pressuring you, Tim and I are gonna have a little talk. Second, your virginity is not about your age. It's about feeling comfortable with person you love enough to share it." Oh great, I am officially now my grandfather.

  “You can't talk to Tim about this. He doesn’t know I’m considering it. I don't love him, but I've never had a boyfriend. Isn't this what couples do? I mean you and Rachel...y'all ....you know." She can't even say the word sex. It's kind of cute ,but also lets me know she's not ready. Plus, I know she'd never tell anyone. Rachel may not be innocent , but I am discreet.

  “Okay, I have to be honest here. Rachel and I have sex-"

  "A lot?" she interrupts. Her eyebrows pull into a frown. This is so not how I saw the night going.

  "Enough, " I concede. I don't want to discuss Rachel or any of the others I've been with.

  As if she could read my thoughts, she asks. “How often?"

  I groan, “Let’s not talk about this. Okay?"

  “Oh. I get it. It's unfair of me to ask about it. She is your girlfriend and you’re not that kind of guy. But for the record, I wouldn't tell anyone. "

  " Oh, I know. I trust you. But I do believe in discretion." I pause. "Plus, this is about Tim. If you don't love him, why even consider it?"

  “I just want to be a good girlfriend, that’s all.” She shrugs. She is so sweet and naive. “That’s what guys want or need, right?"

  I'm a little thrown by her question. But I forge ahead, “Guys want sex all the time, but they don't need it. He can wait. You decide when you’re really ready, but talk to me first. Okay?" then a thought hits me. ''I thought you guys were just dating?" I throw up air quotes to emphasize my point.

  “We are. I guess."

  Oh crap, "You guess? Keira, your either his girlfriend or not."

  She doesn't say anything. She just shrugs. The phone rings, Sloan's name pops up on the Rover’s caller ID.

  "What’s up, Bro?" I answer the phone.

  "Nothin dude. You coming over? The parents are gone until the first of the year. We're gonna hang out" Sloan sounds excited. His parents are great. He doesn't party a lot. But when he does, I feel like I need to be there to run interference.

  "We?" I hope he doesn't mention Rachel.

  "Just some of the guys and a few girls. You know, nothing serious. Just stop by, okay?"

  I hear the phone disconnect.

  Keira has this strange look on her face. I know she thinks I gonna ditch her ,but I surprise her .

  " Let’s get our food to go. We can eat at Sloan's, cool?" She still doesn’t speak. I really hate it when she does that. But she finally nods her head. I still don’t know what the hell she is thinking right now.

  Keira

  Lane is watching me. It’s weird sometimes the way he focuses on me. First my face, then my eyes, and last my lips. His eyes seem to beam into me when he does this. It’s really unnerving. We’ve been at the party less than fifteen minutes. Rachel is like a bloodhound. She searches and finds him no matter where he is. Honestly, she needs a job as a search and rescue dog. More like a bitch. I watch Rachel grope and hang all over Lane. It’s sort of uncomfortable. I have force my eyes to focus on something else. I only came over to this party because he wanted to come. He didn’t say it, but I could see the look in his eyes. He’s regretting his choice to come.

  Now I am feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Rachel is clearly not happy I am here. She is all over Lane. Like I said, I guess it’s the equivalent to a dog making his territory. He was sitting on the sofa in the den while I playing games on the Xbox with Slone. Slone seems oblivious to all the people in his house.

  After we walked in the door, I knew the moment Rachel spotted me. She made a big show of sitting in Lane's lap and kissing him loudly. I guess I should turn my back to give them privacy. Darn it! I am losing. I smack Slone in the gut for cheating. He laughs his goofy laugh. I like Slone. He is so easy to like. He is goofy and a klutz ,but he doesn’t care.

  My game is over. I grab my purse. I know it has to be close to my curfew. I check my phone. Crap! It's almost dead. Lane is not on the sofa anymore and neither is Rachel. A strange feeling comes over me. Anger? Jealousy? I can’t define it. But I have to go. My Aunt Debb will be pissed if I am late.

  Okay, Tim keeps texting me. I should answer. I don’t know what to say. He wants me to go on this overnight thing with him and his friends for New Years. There will be other girlfriends there, but am I his girlfriend? They have hotel suite rented for the night downtown. He says we'll have a lot of fun. Believe it or not, I am seriously thinking about it.

  I decided to go into work early. Tim is still pissed that I went to a party with Lane. We argued the whole time I was on the clock. I didn’t think of it as a party. I considered it just hanging out. I tried to explain, “It was all the guys from the football team and few girls I knew were there, plus Rachel. We were there longer than I thought, or I would have charged my phone if I had known” Sheesh…get off my back.

  That’s what he is really pissed about. I had no idea the battery on my phone would die before I got home. I don’t have control over technology. True, I expected to be home long before five minutes till midnight, but I made my curfew.

  Now Tim is convinced I am in love with Lane Callahan. Sure, I love him. But it’s like a buddy, a big brother, right? Yeah right. When I first met him, I thought he was way cute. But now , he's just Lane. Plus, he has Rachel. I am not the chick who breaks up other couples.

  Tim wants an answer by tonight when I leave work. I’m sort of thinking I will go. It should be fun to hang out, get some alone time with him other than at work. If I really think about it, what am I afraid of? He takes me home all the time. He is always nice. But I want some alone time with Tim. I should, as his girlfriend, want that, right?

  I should talk to Lane about this, but I haven’t talked to Lane since that night at Slone's. Truthfully, I’m still a little pissed off. When it was time to go I couldn’t find him. Or rather, no on
e would tell me where he was. I suspect he was in one of the bedrooms with Rachel. Or at least that’s what she has been loudly suggesting while Slone and I played Xbox. Eventually, Slone agreed to take me home because it was getting late.

  I was a little hurt. No. I was really hurt that Lane would forget about me. Slone made certain to explain because he is always the good friend. " Keira, " he paused. He could see the hurt in my face. "Lane is...” I can tell he is trying to make me understand, but he doesn’t want to betray Lane’s trust. He begins again. “The expectations on him are crazy. I mean his parents ....their cool and all but...” he shakes his head in resignation, “you’d just have to see it for yourself." Slone shakes his head in frustration at his loss for words. “He is under a lot of pressure to be just what everyone wants him to be. He thinks you’re a great friend. I know what he did tonight wasn't cool, but he would never forgive me if I didn’t at least try to help you understand."