Complicated Love Read online

  When the game is over, I breathe sigh of relief. Rachel greets me with a hug and kiss on the cheek. She's a cheerleader. People expect us to be together. My dad slaps me on the back to congratulate me. My mom seems to be celebrating with the rest of the parents.

  In the locker room, the coach calls me brilliant and lets me know the scouts were sufficiently impressed. I sit on the bench and send Keira a text.

  Me:We won!

  Keira: I never doubted you would. But Congrats! Doing my happy dance.

  I feel better knowing I talked to her. Well not really talked to her but texted her. I chuckle at her silly happy dance. I remember when she first did it in class, I had no clue what she was doing. We’d finished our lab project and turned in the manual. We got a one hundred percent. Keira turned and shook her booty in a Donald Duck meets the chicken dance move. I laughed so hard we almost got in trouble. Then she smiled the most brilliant smile I’d ever seen. She is so wide open when she does that. And those dimples? What can I say-just sweetness.

  Just thinking about that silly little dance cracks me up. I better get dressed. Rachel will be waiting for me. I hate parties or dances or whatever you want to call them. I know it’s a tradition but I wish could bail. But I won’t stand Rachel up. She doesn’t deserve that.

  Keira

  Two whole months and school is in full swing. This year has been much better than I thought it would be. Lane is like the best friend ever. Addie would die if she heard me say that. But he is. He really listens to me. When I talk to him he focuses on me so intently I almost get lost in his gaze. Those steel grey eyes focused on just me. Having him and his goof ball football buddies has been a blast. I am starting to wonder about his and Rachel's relationship. It is not quite as fairy tale as I think people want it to be. Right now I am riding in Lane's new Range Rover. Sometimes he drives this and at other times he drives a Dodge Charger. But he has been giving me a ride to Aunt Deb's apartment after work.

  This started after I called him a few weeks ago when I missed the bus because I had to close and my stupid manager could not get the register to balance out. Lane gladly picked me up and drove me to the apartment. I thought I would be ashamed about where I lived but I wasn't. So he has been picking me up every night that I work. He even brought me to work a few days ago when practices were cancelled.

  "Thanks for the ride." I say as the Rover comes to a stop.

  "Sure. Anytime." There is silence. It should feel awkward but it doesn’t. He lays his head back on the seat. He studies me for a few minutes.

  "You ready for midterms?" I try to fill the silence. I wish he wouldn't stare at me like that.

  "Oh God. Let’s not talk school. Let’s just not ....let’s just sit." He seems so far away.

  "Okay. Whatever."

  Lane nods and relaxes for a few minutes.

  "Lane? What’s, wrong?"

  "I don't know. I thought I had it all figured out. But maybe I don't, Keira. "

  "What don't you have figured out?" I ask touching his hand. I have to pull back, the current running between us is so powerful. Does he feel it too?

  He pulls my hand back in his and he leans forward into the steering wheel to gather his thoughts. "I knew I wanted to play football, be an engineer. You know ?"

  I don't know where he is going with this. But I love the feel of his much larger hands around my small hands. "And now?"

  "I guess it’s the same. It’s just that everyone wants a piece of me." His eyebrows draw closer. “My parents want me at their alma mater, Rachel just wants ...anything I will give her. The recruiter wants a decision, the school wants a championship."

  "What do you want?" I stop his rambling thoughts by squeezing his hands. He seems a little overwhelmed. I want to comfort him.

  “I want all that and more. I guess," he looks over at me. "Is your aunt home?”

  I look around. I don't see her car. My Aunt provides a great apartment and stability but she lacks parental guidance. "I don't think so, why?" I hope he does not suggest coming in. Because I am not comfortable with that.

  “I’m hungry. Will she let you go with me to get something to eat?"

  "As long as I’m home by midnight she doesn't care. She works late. She does a lot of dinner meetings and engagements. You know?" I shrug. I like to think it doesn’t bother me but I wish just one adult who care enough to be there for me.

  "Let’s go eat." He puts the Range Rover in drive before I can say yes or no.We head toward the drive in burger spot.

  There are a lot of students out at the Burger Bar. I never hang out so I am a little surprised. Half the football team his here. The cheerleaders and Rachel. She spots the Rover and walks over to the car. She doesn't see me at first. Her eyes are focused on Lane. Once he lets the window down, she sees me. I see a small flash of anger.

  "Hey baby!" Baby? She runs her hands over his short haircut. She pretends to spot me. "Oh. Hey Keira. I didn't see you there." Yes you did.

  "Hey Rachel," I say politely. I am a little uncomfortable with her display of affection toward Lane.

  Lane pulls his head away from her grasp, "What’s up Rachel? I thought you were studying tonight?" I guess they are closer than I thought. He knew she was studying tonight or was supposed to be.

  "Well I finished and wanted something to eat. What are you doing? Didn't know you two were hanging out." She tries to hide the irritation in her voice but I hear it.

  Lane either does not hear it or does not care." Keira needed…" he stops suddenly. "Doesn't matter. We need food."

  "Rachel, you wanna get in the front? I can move to the back if you wanna join us." I offer to decrease the tension. I feel like a wimp, but she is his girlfriend, right? Even thought he was just holding my hand. But that was for comfort. Get over it. Holding hands means nothing. Look at his girlfriend all over him. I am just lucky to get to be his friend.

  "No need. My food is on its way," Rachel starts to walk away. The she turns and walks back. “Oh,” She snaps her fingers, “ Are you riding to my birthday party with us? I think your parents mentioned it to my folks. It’s gonna be great. We reserved a few tables at the country club. I can't wait Lane. I am so excited," she babbles all that in one breath.

  "I will be there.” She claps her hands like a five year old. I think I hear a groan from Lane as she walks away.

  I am so out of my league here. I guess being friends is good enough. Has to be.

  Lane

  Keira gets off work in an hour. I am just about finished with the study guide for our lab. She has done most of the work. I just double checked her answers. She is so freaking crazy smart. She may be a genius. Almost every answer was right.

  I should eat but I want to wait. Keira will get off and we can get some dinner like we have for the last few weeks. I love talking to her. She makes everything so simple. The way she just keeps going no matter what the circumstance. Over the last few weeks, her mother has made an appearance back in her life. That seems to have shaken her a little. She almost volunteers to stay late after school to study or help with the tutoring sessions when she doesn’t have to be at work. That’s not very often. On the weekends, when I call her, she is taking the bus to the library. That really pisses me off. Why? Because I want her to call me instead. I don’t mind taking her anywhere.

  My stomach growls. "Hungry?" I hear my grandpa Jack ask.

  "I’m gonna wait to eat.I gotta pick up a friend from work. We'll grab something."

  He focuses on my eyes. They look just like mine. All the men in our family look just alike. "A friend?"

  I sigh. I may as well tell him. I am a horrible liar. I don’t want to lie to him anyway. I never have and I never will. "Okay. A female friend."

  "Rachel has a job?" I shake my head. His eyebrows raise in understanding. "Oh, not Rachel."

  "No. Not Rachel. But just a friend."

  "Does your friend have a name?" Oh no.He's taking a seat. That means a speech.or the dreaded talk is coming.


  "Keira," is all I say.

  "Well...you know how I feel about dishonesty. So I hope that Rachel is aware of Keira," he gives me a very pointed look. Oh, how I hate to disappoint my grandpa.

  “Rachel knows Keira and I are friends."

  "Does Keira know you are just friends?" He leans back in his chair.

  "She does. Gramps Rachel and I are...what’s the word...undefined? Yeah. That’s it. We just hang out from time to time." I hope he does not dig any further.

  "Undefined," He repeats the word back slowly. "Un..de..fined," Grandpa Jack sighs. "Lane. I hope that hanging out from time to time does not mean what I think it means. Women don’t do casual no matter what they say."

  I sit silently. I don’t know what to say. I can’t lie to him. Hanging out means exactly what he thinks.

  He waits. "Lane. Rachel may not say it. But she thinks you’re hers. Hanging out does not sound like a committed relationship. We are Callahan men. That means honor, integrity and character." I open my mouth to speak. "Despite who your dad may be and what he does, we know better. So does he. I want you to think about that as you pick up your friend. "

  "Gramps, Keira and I really are just good friends. There's no hanging out." I look back at him. I don't want anyone to think Keira is that kind of girl.

  He simply nods.

  "I gotta go gramps. I love you ole man," I hug his neck.

  "I love you too. You go get your friend Keira and we will talk more about this hanging out you've been doing later."

  I laugh. "We already had that talk. Remember?"

  "I know. But you know how I feel about it. "

  "I do." I simply say. Gramps gave me the talk about love and sex years ago.

  He’s talked with me about it over and over again. "A man has to love a woman enough to cherish her and protect her. To cherish and protect Lane means waiting. Wait for her. She's worth it. Cherish her body. Protect her integrity and yours. Even with all the protection out there when God decided a child will come into this world- he's coming. It’s important to find a woman you want to raise your child and be his mother. That’s reason enough to wait. Don't you think?"

  I think about Rachel as a mother. I shiver. She is too selfish. Her parents would probably pay to get rid of the baby. I scowl at the thought of my child being rejected by Rachel and her power hungry, money grubbing mom. Immediately, I think of Keira and what a great mom she would be. I shake the thought out of my head. Where did that come from?

  Grandpa Jack walks me to the door of his house. I love this house. It’s like home to me. More like a home than that mini mansion my parents have. It’s so big we never see each other. I know my parents don’t sleep in the same bed. They put on a great show during the holidays and in public but I know that they are not in love. I don’t know if they ever have been. Grandpa Jack pats me on the back, "Lane, I am so proud of the man you have become. I hope that you know that." I turned eighteen the week before school started.

  My grandpa told me,"You’re a man now. Your life is your own. Your choices have real consequences. Make them wisely. "

  Now, standing at the door, he seems to be studying me. "You seem to be in deep thought a lot lately. Just remember. You are your own man. Trust the instincts God has given you. He won't guide you wrong. Give me another hug then go on to your friend. "

  I wrap my arms around him so hard. My gramps is a big man. As tall as I am with a barrel chest and large heavy limbs. I sink into his embrace. I love this old guy and I want him to live forever. I trust his love and guidance more than any other man on this earth. He releases me and sends me on my way to Keira.

  Keira

  Lane and I sit in his Range Rover tying to eat Chinese. He is sweaty from lifting weights. But his smell his pure masculinity. He’s had a rare Saturday practice. My mom has temporarily moved in with my Aunt Deb. I love my mom. But she can be a bit much to handle. I needed a ride to the library. Mid-terms start Monday. So leaving the house to study just makes life a little easier. I was gonna catch the bus. But the last time I caught the bus to the library, Lane was so angry I was almost afraid not to call him.

  He was starving after weights and practice so he drove through and grabbed Chinese. We sat in the parking lot and ordered it on his iPhone. I took his credit card, went in and paid when it was ready. Now we are eating fried rice and egg rolls in his Rover before I go to the library.

  I am stuffed. We are finally on the way to the library. Lane looks tired. He looks exhausted. I will ride the bus to work after the library. I think he needs rest. “You’re too quiet. What are you thinking about over there?" How does he do that? It’s like he can hear my thoughts.

  "I think I will ride the bus to work from here. You've had a long day. You look tired."

  He scoffs, “Well thanks."

  "Come on Lane. You don’t have to take me and pick me up from everywhere. I can ride the bus. Been doing it all my life." I shift in my seat to see his face.

  “I’ll take a nap while you study. Call me when you're done. I have to study tonight anyway." Before he can finish his thought his Bluetooth picks up a call on his iPhone. The caller ID reads Mom. "Hi Mom. What’s up?" He answers.

  "Lane, Rachel's mom called to confirm for tonight. You need to be dressed and ready to go by seven. Okay?" Her voice sounds soft but confident. I guess that I will be on that bus tonight.

  Lane groans, "Is her birthday dinner thing tonight?" I so don't want to hear this.

  "Lane! I have been talking to you about this for weeks. I know Rachel mentioned it. You need to get a gift. Your Dad says use your American Express. Make it nice," she sounds irritated. "You have to pay more attention. She is such a sweet girl. You two are perfect. I really wish you would get more serious. "

  "Mom! I gotta go." He is practically yelling.

  "I know. I know. But really, Lane," she is almost pleading. "She is the best choice for you. She understands-"

  "I am hanging up know mom. I have to go," he pushes the end button. I don’t know why but this is really uncomfortable. I feel like I just witnessed something very private. Now Lane is sitting stiffly. He is focusing on the road in front of him.

  He pulls up to the library but instead of pulling up at the front door he parks. "Hey, listen," his voice is soft. He is preparing me for something. His brow is drawn. So instead of making him say it, I jump in.

  “I get it. I can ride the bus. Wish Rachel a happy birthday for me," I reach for the door. Lane reaches out to grab me but I pull away slightly. I barely dodge his grasp. "No. It's fine, really. Thanks for the ride Lane. "

  He sighs. He wants to say more ,but what is there to say?

  I hurry out the car door.

  Lane

  I am sitting in the parking lot of the mall wondering where is Keira . I didn't see her after school again today. She has been a little weird since I dropped her off at the library this past weekend. With mid-terms being here, I haven’t really had a chance to talk to her. I didn't see her at lunch either. I sent her text last night. The conversation was a simple:

  Me: Hey!

  Keira: Hey!

  Me: You good?

  Keira: Yup.

  To be honest, I’m not sure why I am walking on eggshells around her now. True, the whole thing with Rachel's birthday was a little uncomfortable. I think I am pretty sure her feelings were hurt but why? We’re just friends. Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that.

  Before texting, I called her night before last night. She didn’t answer. She sent a text a few minutes later.

  Keira: Busy with my mom. ttyl.

  So I did not bother her anymore. I can tell there is distance between us. I don’t like it. I miss talking to her. So I will wait until she gets off work.

  She should have been out here by now so where is she. I dial her number.

  Straight to voicemail.

  A few minutes later, I call again.

  Voicemail again. I am pissed. I would never do that to her.

  I drive t
o around the mall parking lot and finally I spot her. Although I just saw her at school a few hours ago, I miss her. As I pull up she's talking to some guy. She’s all laughing and having a good time and here I am calling her. I watch for a few more minutes. He is all over her. The dude is a few inches taller than her and maybe a little heavier. He looks smart like he could be Bill Gates. He keeps touching her arm and looking like....like he is her boyfriend. She has that dopey look in her eyes.

  Enough. I jump out of my charger. She looks at me and steps back. I must look pretty angry. I step up so I am standing next to her and towering over them both. He is a pretty small dude. He steps back. That’s right. I want him to fear me in this moment.